Sick again...

Yesterday, around 3pm, I started to get a fever again. I'd had a headache, on and off, since the night before. I started to feel weak first, then my forehead began to get hot and I started to feel chilled.

This sequence of things is very familiar, because this winter it happened sometimes more than twice a week.

I hope whomever may read this will, rather than as a complaint, take this as reflection on the condition I've been in. Physical weakness on this order, and danger of death, are things that most people don't have to seriously consider until they are in their fifties, at least. I don't know how close to death I've been, but I must have been close at least one of the times I was in the hospital.

I know that this must have changed my view of the world, but it's hard for me to identify how my view has changed. Certainly, I have a very direct and powerful sympathy for people who have some kind of infirmity. I also know that my own problems with disease could be much worse—I've avoided surgery and most of the problems associated with the chronic illness that I have. I wouldn't say that my position is enviable, but compared to some people I'm doing extremely well. I also know that the suffering I've experienced is minimal compared to what many people have been through. And I've had a lot of support from friends and family during these years.

So, I have a lot to be grateful for. And, at the same time, I have a pretty good idea just how bad it could have been.